Ep. 11: "Everybody Knew What Mr. Finnell Did"

The Problems: the status of Napoleon’s hat; historically significant panties on the auction block; major issues in corporal punishment; Liza’s mostly lifelike Naugahyde partner; recovering our Oprah memories; John’s investigative broom closet journalism; the IMAX technology that was wasted on the Gunther Gebel Williams clan; conspiracy theories around Pee-wee’s Sarasota jam-up; why Seattle’s goin’ hungry in the lemon yellow sun; Mr. Finnell’s copy is goldenrod; Donovan’s probably fake smile; tackling our usual authenticity issues; some “e”-zy diaeresis häcks; why John’s just not a fan; the salient différence; Merlin’s glass-lined taxi driver problems; how the sunshine bores the daylights out of the one Rolling Stones lick Merlin knows; knowing how or whether to marry the other one from Wham! (U.K.); an opium-dulled death by a thousand mimeographs; the varieties of childhood paddles; in Soviet Alaska, Teamsters bust you; knowing when to save those pedagogically-stained Dolphin shorts; the seasonal difficulties of adjudicating clowns; some sensitive cultural subtleties of ping-pong; and the complex reasons why John can’t stop playing solitaire in traffic.

Click to read more ...

Ep. 10: "They Usually Come in the Mornings"

[Show notes forthcoming]

Happy Thanksgiving, friends.

Click to read more ...

Ep. 09: "He Was Apparently a Talented Baker"

The Problems: the dolory of John’s wet and unrakeable leaves; some nuanced aspects around fulfilling The Belgian Promise; Kim Gordon’s sassy and industry-ruining boas; solving an Argentinian heiress’s mystery on the pampas; new ways to make iced tea while your kids are in rehab; the passing of Maurice; the challenge of becoming a truly memorable serial killer when saddled with just two names; one stinky Nigerian Prince and the weltanschauung he brings to organizing a Goodwill; mothballs, mildew, and dreams deferred; the timeless advice Merlin shared with his infant daughter; how Merlin helps by taxonomizing his toddler daughter’s toys; how John will eventually help by explaining this process to Merlin’s teenage daughter; why St. Paul was definitely a Taurus and probably a komodo dragon; scouring every molecule of the Duritz from Jennifer Aniston’s bath tub; choosing John Roderick to block; marching orders for The Salivation Army; Merlin discusses something pelvically; the bespoke wardrobe of Philadelphia’s most pretty-wristed dandy; The Story of O’s self-enlightened snacks; exploring the artisanal baked goods of Alaska’s busy bush pilots; Merlin’s numerous confusions about Zooey Deschanel (SAY: “/ˈzoʊ.iː deɪʃəˈnɛl/ zoh-ee day-shə-nel”); thoughts from John’s Mom on the controversial versatility of Meg Ryan; tips for insulating potted plants for winter; swerving around John on the road to Damascus; balloons v. bottles in the service of optimistic correspondence; why Lenin secretly never peed on fruit juice; John’s plaintive voi ch’entrate regarding opening any ladies’ magazines; a renewed interest in shiny ladies in big shoes standing on ladders (a/k/a “Ladder Girls”); and the pressing need to attach a proper Boswell to John’s Johnson.

Click to read more ...

Ep. 08: "The Reptilian Behind the Long Pig Mask"

The Problems: bad advice from cartoon cats; bad advice from guidance counselors; getting high in an urchin’s proto-hole; the curious ubiquity of Romanian adhesive; the hollandaise tulip hysteria; Alexandria’s perfect bibliographical storm; John’s dance with a Moorish stirrup-wrangler; disarming goats in a Moroccan abattoir; the puckish naming quirks of Erik the Red; a substantive misunderstanding about ephedrine; remembering a wondrous and well-hung city; making connections by choosing the right colored yarn; Einar’s feelings on lobster; the refreshing nature of citrus huffing; why Al DiMeola can’t be in John’s band of Kims; some historical tattoos of “Northern Utah”; John’s offer to help in a yak vest; and considering the erotics, edifice, and relative economics of the “$50 Lunchtime Handjob.”

Click to read more ...

Ep. 07: "The Compulsive Sherry Algorithm"

The Problems: Sidling up to German Sex Tourists; Elephant 6 bands decamping to a new porch; more on John’s uncontrollable steaming; almost closing the thread on the Bruce Vilanch problem; FDA’s daily requirement of Femineseum; why John treasures his collection of Braille Playboys; pitching the pilot for DecencyBusters; a pledge of index cards to help deflect John’s photons; the inexcusable lack of a decent Grand Guignol magazine; the long menarche that preceded our heavy internet period; John’s studied reluctance to buying young boys; Merlin’s reflections on accepting a strong man’s syllabus; why so few teens today offer to make candy penis bang bang; grave concern for the Teutonic hitting-and-poo thing; why you never fuck with Leonard Bernstein; Merlin’s culpability for Florida’s many orphan towel-babies; how Harold Ramis’ heart broke and broke; why John’s compound may be neither decadent nor depraved; chronicling our mass exodus from wool; knowing when your sword deserves its own bathrobe; strategies for rebooting John’s complex legacy; the spelling error that created a frottage industry; Wilde’s femoral focus on rentboy stickling; some benefits of packing an improbably large crossbow; the surprising trouble with faking The Loco Eyes; the tactical defense strategy of misquoting Larry Wall; finding the proper cave for Cartoon Billy Barty; flying a rainbow flag of convenience; why every arsenal should make room for a mildly inconvenient rose bush; the uncanny effectiveness of John’s splintered pickets; and, finally learning what John’s been hiding behind that steel-reinforced door.

Click to read more ...

Ep. 06: "String Art Owls, Copper Pipe, and Bono's Boss"

Vimeo: “John Roderick on String Art Owls, Copper Pipe, and Bono’s Boss”

We weren’t able to record a new episode for this week, but we couldn’t leave you guys empty-handed. So, here’s a special little treat from the John and Merlin archives.

Videotaped in the verdant, bucolic, and phlegmatic chaos of his back yard in San Francisco, here’s Merlin’s 2007 interview with John for The Merlin Show.

Click to read more ...

Ep. 05: "Carry on, Maude"

Updated on October 15, 2011 by Merlin Mann

The Problems: the Greek dessert crisis (from the root, disagreeos); analyzing the tactical dearth of mousse in the Maginot Line; a shared fate for Ernst Röhm and the Clampett family; disruptive oninonomics behind food that blooms; no Abrahamic sandwiches for Hilal the Elder; some phallocentric appeals of flan and its equipment; John’s beef with the compulsory heat of Turkey’s nuts; why hasenpfeffers are expendable; ruined by a young Marlo Thomas; when *M*A*S*H* got all Chachi; line-editing Raymond Carver’s cocktail napkins; accent on the fakeyest Cockneys, Guv’na; formally moving on to African-American-tie racism; efforts to secure Ann-Margret’s hips (and flips) a place our canonical phalanx; John’s morbid—and ultimately unfounded—fear of Neil Young’s doobie; saving a lovely, dark-haired girl from hipster yodeling; and some editorial follow-up on why Merlin could still use a good Pounding.

Click to read more ...

Ep. 04: "Sears Would Call Me Husky"

The Problems: Pixxxxxie Grrrls; punk rock day; George Lucas’s dewlap; numerous Charles Nelson Reilly issues; why John Hüsker Dïdn’t; Merlin’s chronic struggles with facial hair; Czeching out the Beetle; our complicity in a massive Rob Halford denial; scalloped versus fretless; when we looked like butter-top bread; incontinent mastiffs; the overdue need for a Personal Ads tribunal; challenges of the mechanical pancreas for the working musician; and why there’s nothing wrong with Merlin that couldn’t be solved by several well-structured ass-kickings.

Click to read more ...

Ep. 03: "The Viet Cong Can Smell the Soap"

The problems: the perfect storm behind John’s Egyptian cold; Deweys vs. LOCs1; wishing you were the fruity English guy with the briefcase; declining standards at the DMV of countries; when science systematically moistens our cellos; how Merlin started loving BNs; whether John might be a 60-year-old sleeper cell; and how Rem Koolhaas is ruining literally everything.

---

1. say: “LOW-shizz” (/loʊˈʃəz/)  ↩

Click to read more ...

Ep. 02: "White Leather Carpet"

The problems: topical storms; Wears-a-Hat guy (and the uniforms of his ruthless punishers); our touchy tattooed friends; an elegant Kanji; John’s numerous hauntings, visions, and visitations; Angelina Jolie’s insane bubble of insanity; the ubiquity of permanent sexface; why we’re not actually that fancy; fake benefits; the byzantine chili fan and earnest butchery; and why That’s Not Funny. It’s not. It’s ***not funny***.

Click to read more ...